Is It Possible To Forgive
by candi711
Summary: Amanda is forced to confront a difficult question when a young boy wanders into the squad room after he had been raped. Three-Shot.
1. Chapter 1

**General Disclaimer: I do not own Law and Order: SVU or any of its characters**

 **A/N: This story takes place in season 18. It just appeared out of nowhere when I was driving to work and well I wanted to see where things went :) although I still have scores of other ideas still waiting to be written down haha.**

The bullpen was full and bustling like any other day at the one six precinct, although, it wasn't just any day. New Years was only a few days away and the SVU team was absolutely swamped with cases ranging from simple groping in the park to full blown complicated rape cases with convoluted motives and suspects.

"Why does the New Year tend to bring out the worst in people?" Carisi huffed as he leaned back in his chair while he rubbed his temples. The Italian detective had just finished a long and painful phone call. He had the unfortunate pleasure of informing one of their victims that the DA's office wasn't going to press charges on the man who sexually assaulted her at a party due to lack of evidence. Those were some of the most difficult tasks an SVU officer had to endure, and for Carisi it wasn't even the only one of the day. The one six was working at max capacity and some of their victims suffered for it.

"I think it's the opposite of the 'new year new me' sentiment" Amanda responded from her desk as she dutifully worked on the stack of files before her. "At the end of the year, people just let go of their inhibitions and do what they have wanted to do for the past twelve months, for good or for ill" She finished, finally looking up from her work. "Why are you so surprised? This is just like any other year."

"It's not that I'm surprised, Rollins, I just... I don't know. I'm disappointed in this city. We could be so great if people just stopped hurting each other" Carisi said with a sigh. He had always been the optimistic one in the squad room and often times was made fun of because of it.

True to expectation Amanda chuckled at his response "we don't live in a utopia, Carisi, and we never will. People as a whole are greedy and self-serving. Don't rest too many expectations on others if you want to stay sane" she stated with a shrug. This was a lesson in life she learned long ago at a young age. A person can only make it or break it on their own, they couldn't trust anyone to be there not even their family, although, her hardline perspective had softened somewhat after she came to New York, and especially after she had her little girl. Amanda didn't want to have such a negative outlook, but unfortunately, the years of hurt and betrayal don't go away overnight.

"Wow, that's a very cynical outlook, Rollins. Is that really how you see the world?" Carisi asked her as he sat up in his chair and leaned forward to come closer to the blonde "After everything good you've seen in the world" he added as he pointed to a picture of Jesse on Amanda's desk.

"What about all the bad we've seen on this job" Amanda retorted back as she waved her hand at the busy bullpen around them "but I know, there are great people out there and we need to pass judgment on an individual level" she added to please him, but was aware of the truth in her own words. "Anyways, just think about this. Only a few more days left and you'll be at your mom's house celebrating the New Years with your whole family" she stated changing the subject aware of how much Carisi was looking forward to his family's party.

"I'll be there? Don't forget that you're coming as well, Amanda. My mom is expecting you and Jesse to be there" Carisi said quickly so as to remind the blonde detective that she already promised his mom that she's was going.

Carisi had invited Amanda to spend Christmas day with his family when he learned that Amanda and Jesse had no plans, he didn't want Jesse to grow up without the chance of having a doting family even if Amanda's own had rejected her. Carisi's mother had instantly fallen in love with Jesse and had no problem excepting Amanda into her home. In fact, Amanda herself had admitted to him that she had a great time. Before the mother and daughter pair had even left the Christmas party Mrs. Carisi had made sure to make Amanda promise that she and Jesse would be over to celebrate the New Years. The Italian mother really enjoyed having them over and she wasn't going to let Amanda say no.

"You mean she's expecting Jesse. The way she was doting over my little girl, I'm surprised Bella didn't get jealous that your mom wasn't only focused on her baby" Amanda chuckled as she remembered how Jesse was instantly snatched by the elder woman and fawned over.

"She loves kids and she held both babies at the same time remember. I just think ma is ready for many more grandkids and is disappointed at the slow rate her own kids are reproducing" Carisi answered her back "and besides, she really enjoyed having you there as well. I think she's trying to push us together too" he chuckled at the idea

"You think!" Amanda scoffed. The elder Carisi was anything but subtle and she made it quite obvious that she thought they would be good for each other. She was pushy but respectful, and it didn't make Amanda want to pull away like she would have normally done.

"Yeah, I know" Carisi chuckled while scratching the side of his face bashfully "my mom's a little out there, but she means well"

Before Amanda had the chance to respond a young boy of about 16 interrupted them "excuse me?" the young boy asked shyly as he shifted from foot to foot with his hands in his pockets. The lad had dusty blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. He was almost 5'10'' with the slim build of a runner, although, he looked to be more comfortable in front of a computer screen than a track field. "I don't mean to interrupt but I was told to talk to a detective Rollins," he said nervously, his body language depicting that he didn't want to be there.

"I'm detective Rollins" Amanda answered as she stood up to introduce herself "what can I do for you?"

"I'm uh... I'm here to uh... report an assault" he stammered without making eye contact and only whispered the last word. It was clear as day to the detectives that he was nervous and wouldn't be open to taking in the middle of the bullpen.

"Alright," Amanda said in a calm and professional voice "why don't you come wait in here for a moment and I'll be right with you to talk" she finished as she ushered him inside the conference room. After situating the boy, Amanda returned to her desk to quickly save the files she had been working on and drink the rest of her coffee.

"Looks like you picked up another one" Carisi offered her a refill but she declined.

"Yep, I just hope that it's a simple case," she said as she headed back into the room to speak with the nervous boy.

Amanda entered the room and noticed how the boy didn't look up at her. She sat quietly across from him and let him get used to her presence before she asked him his name and what he had wanted to speak with her about.

"My name is Dillan Ross, I'm a Junior at Cheseray Academy" he admitted after finally gathering the courage to look Amanda in the eyes "what I need to say is... uh... look please don't tell my dad. He'd be so disappointed"

"How about you tell me what happened and then we'll see if we need to tell him or not" Amanda offered. She knew that they would have to speak with his father because he was a minor, but she didn't want him to leave. Dillan nodded while biting his lip. "Dillan, hun. Would you like me to get you something to drink before you continue" Amanda asked and the boy nodded quickly. His throat was becoming very dry.

The blonde detective left and returned all in the span of a minute. Once Dillan had the bottle of coke in his hands he held tight onto it and used it to ground him. "I went to a party last night, a party I shouldn't have gone to at a sorority house. There was drinking and drugs... but I didn't do any of that okay. I would lose my scholarship to Cheseray" he added frantically and Amanda simply nodded.

"Anyway, there were two girls. They are in their 20's and really hot" he said with a shameful blush. "The guys from the school I went with... they were pushing me to talk with them but I didn't need to they approached me. After talking for a bit I walked with them to their room upstairs. I only went because the guys were egging me on and said I would be a faggot to turn them down"

"They're wrong you know," Amanda said gently "you have every right to turn people down, and that holds no bearing on your sexuality"

"I know that, but it doesn't really matter in high school," Dillan said with disdain, and it became obvious to Amanda that the poor boy had trouble with his peers at school. "When we got to their room, I asked them if we could just chat. I told them that I didn't want to do anything" he returned back to telling Rollins about his assault. "They laughed at me and called me cute. They didn't listen and... they tied me to the bed and... and..." tears were streaming down his eyes. Dillan was having trouble speaking.

"It okay, Dillan, take you time" Amanda offered as she reached her hand out and held onto the young boy's. That's when she saw the bruising on his wrists. "Dillan, did they do this to you?"

He nodded as he pulled his hand back and wiped away his tears "I fought them after they had me tied. I should have fought harder, but I didn't want to hurt them. I guess I just froze"

"It's alright, that happens more often than you would think," Amanda said trying to comfort him "Do you know their names?"

"Yeah, it's Jessica Morris and Shara Terris" he answered her

"You did good coming here, not many people are brave enough to report their own assault" Amanda told him with an encouraging smile "but Dillan, I think we need to tell your Dad about this, he would want to know"

"No, please. I came here so maybe you guys could talk to them. Tell them that they can't do stuff like that anymore so no one else goes through what I did. I don't want to cause trouble." Dillan said in a pleading voice.

"Dillan, you're not causing trouble. Jessica and Shara did wrong, they're the ones in trouble, not you" Amanda tried to comfort him but the young boy didn't seem to agree. The shame in his eyes was evident to the elder blonde who could sympathize with his situation. "You're embarrassed to tell him?" she asked

With a small nod Dillan looked up from his cold drink in his hands and made eye contact with her "I was so stupid, I could have done so many things different. I mean, I'm a guy. Guys don't get... they don't get assaulted like that. We're supposed to like it"

"That's not true Dillan," Amanda said softly "you are free to choose who you sleep with, and men are even allowed to not want to have sex with every woman who looks their way. It's that kind of stereotype that makes men extremely vulnerable to these types of crimes and allow their rapist to continue to walk the streets and victimize others again". Dillan had flinched when she said the word rapist and it didn't escape the notice of Amanda.

"So you're saying that it would be my fault if they raped another guy?" he asked timidly

"No, honey, no. You are no responsible and it's ultimately your choice if you choose to testify or not..." she paused and once again took his hand. "but, take it from someone who's been in your situation before. If you don't speak out against them, you will be looking over your shoulder in every dark corner, and in the end, you may come to regret your decision but by then it would be too late to do anything about it"

Dillan was quiet for several seconds as he digested her words "so you've also been..." he let the word trail off, not wanting to associate that act with anyone at the moment. Amanda gave a gentle nod as a reply. "Um... okay. You can call my Dad, I'll do it" he said nervously

"Okay that's great Dillan," Amanda said proudly at his bravery. She pushed over a pen and paper for him to write down his father's name and number. "When your Dad gets here, we'll send an officer to take you to the hospital to test for DNA and to document your injuries" she explained the next step for him.

"DNA?" Dillan questioned "like from the assault... from when they..." he looked back down at his drink before he swallowed hard and continued again "does it matter that I took a shower already?"

"You showered?" Amanda repeated but did not let her disappointment show "that's alright, Dillan, we can still get them with many other factors. Can you also write down the names of the people you went with to the party, we'll want to know what they saw"

With that all done, Amanda left the room to give the information to Carisi so he could contact the father while Amanda looked up the girls Dillan had named. Carisi returned a few minutes later and stated that the boy's father was on his way, he didn't give him many details only that the boy was waiting for him at the precinct. Amanda asked him to keep Dillan company as she finished looking up the girls and the sorority.

"You would think college students would spend less time partying and more time actually attending their classes" Amanda spoke aloud as she looked through the pictures of the girls Facebook account.

"Half the kids who go to college only go for the parties, Rollins" Fin responded as he entered the bullpen with Olivia and startled his partner. "We got a new case? Or did you just decide to look up the half naked pictures of two random college girls" he asked jokingly

Olivia walked behind her desk and leaned in to see the screen better "so are these our victims?" she asked wanting the details

"No, actually they're our rapist" she responded as she turned to face them

"No kidding?" Fin said with surprise "we'll I guess equal opportunity means hot girls can also be rapists" he added almost jokingly but toned it down at the scowl he received from Olivia.

"Our victim in the interview room?" Olivia asked Amanda as she jutted her thumb towards the door that held Carisi and the boy on the other side.

"Yeah, Carisi is keeping him company until his father gets here. You know how good he is with kids" Amanda explained

"He's only good with them because he acts like one" Fin smirked at the expense of Carisi

"Says they grown man that play with video games" Olivia rolled her eyes

"Hey those have very deep plots and story lines," Fin said in his own defense

It was at this moment that Carisi returned from the interrogation room. "Hey guys, your back," he said in greeting to his fellow detective and boss. "Rollins, Dillan is in the restroom if you wanted to look for him" he explained "and I think he has a crush on you" he quickly added with a smirk.

Amanda was about to respond to Carisi until another voice broke through the bullpen "my name is Todd Ross. I was told my son is here?" everyone turned at the sound of the frantic man's voice. They saw a blonde man in his mid-fifties who looked worried and in distress. Quickly Carisi walked over to him and introduced himself. "Your son is alright, Mr. Ross. He's in the restroom right now" he explained as he began to lead the man towards the restroom to see his son.

"Is he in trouble? Whatever Dillan has done, I'm sorry. He's a good kid. He's all I have left in this world. Please don't take him away from me" Ross pleaded to Carisi.

Throughout this scene, Amanda stood frozen. She had quickly sprung to her feet at the sound of the man's voice but afterwards had not even moved to breath. Her face became noticeably paler and she seemed to have swayed as if she would faint at any moment. All of this didn't escape the notice of Olivia. "Rollins? Are you okay?" the elder woman asked as she placed her hand on Amanda's back to steady her. Amanda didn't respond so she tried again "Amanda, can you hear me?"

At Olivia's words, Mr. Ross stopped in place and turned sharply at Olivia and Amanda. He stared at the two intensively and slowly took one step closer. Then sudden recognition appeared on his face "Ma..." he stuttered as he took another step closer "Mandy?" he finally said with pure shock on his face.

The sound of her old nickname from Ross's lips seemed to snap Amanda out of her daze. She was able to take a shallow breath before quietly answering "Daddy?"

 **A/N: Was that a twist? :) I wanted to play out a scene where Amanda was randomly reunited with her father who seemed to have moved on and started a new family. Please tell me what you guys thought of this, I always appreciate any feedback. Thanks for reading.**


	2. Chapter 2

"Daddy?" Amanda whispered as she laid eyes on the man that had abandoned her years before.

"Daddy?" Fin repeated in confusion and shock as he shifted his head to look between both father and daughter. The resemblance was uncanny, but Fin always thought all white people with blonde hair and blue eyes looked alike. "Manda, you mean to tell me that this is the father that abandoned you when you were ten?"

Ross ignored Fin's jab at him and took another step toward Amanda "Mandy, you're... you're in New York" he said in disbelief and took another step forward "and, your a cop of all things" he said in disbelief as he looked her up and down again "Mandy..." he was cut off by Amanda who took a large step back when she regained some of her bearings.

"Stay back," she said in a stern voice to her father as she raised a hand to physically keep herself out of his reach

"Mandy don't be like that" Ross pleaded as he tried to take another step forward. Carisi grabbed the man's arm as Fin placed his own hand on Ross' chest to keep him at bay, all this occurred while Olivia pulled Amanda back so that there were three bodies separating the father and daughter pair.

"Don't you dare call me Mandy. Only my father could call me that, and that man died the moment he abandoned me and my family" Amanda nearly yelled as her hands shook from the torrid of emotions raging through her body.

"Amanda, why don't we go to my office," Olivia said as she pulled Amanda back toward the small room that already had the blinds drawn shut. The Lieutenant could recognize that if they didn't separate the two at that moment things were going to get out of hand.

"Please let me explain" Ross pleaded but was again held back by Carisi and Fin

"Can't you see that it's not the best time to talk to her" Carisi tried to intervene "besides, you have another kid waiting for you, right now"

"Dillan!" Ross remembered and stopped all movements to reach Amanda. "Where is my son? Why is he even here?"

"Oh, so now you're the father of the year," Fin said sarcastically at the blonde man's sudden change in focus

"What's your problem" Ross responded in an annoyed tone as he turned to Fin

"What's my problem? What's your problem? You abandoned your daughter when she needed you. You have no right to suddenly try to talk to her just because you ran into" Fin retorted back in anger

"How is this any of your business?" Ross yelled back

"It's my business because I'm her partner. I saw the damage you did to her because you skipped out on your family. The scars you left her with, and I'm not about to let you go and hurt her again" Fin growled as he grabbed onto the other man's collar "So leave Manda alone"

"Fin" Carisi yelled and pried the two apart "Fin, let him go"

"Dad!" the sudden voice of Dillan stopped the commotion caused by the three men "what's going on?"

"Dillan," Ross said as he ran to his son "are you alright? Did they do anything to you?"

"No..." Dillan managed to say as he pulled away from his father "no, I was with detectives Rollins and Carisi... they've been really... kind"

Ross turned rigid when he heard his former last name "so you've met..." he didn't know what to say. Did he want to tell him that he had a sister, two, to be exact? He had tried so hard to distance himself from his former life that he never told his own son much of his past.

"Met who, dad?" Dillan said getting frustrated "I heard him" he pointed at Fin "yelling at you for leaving his partner when she was a child. What does that even mean?"

"I... um... look, son, that's complicated" Ross tried to explain "I've made some... some mistakes in my past"

"You mean like abandoning your daughter?" Dillan said hurt, the young boy had heard most of the conversation having run out from the bathroom the moment the yelling began. "That's who she is right! That nice detective who was helping me is my sister, isn't she!" he said as he put the pieces together "and... you just left her. You always told me that family was important, that the two of us had to stick together because that's what the Ross family does"

"You don't understand son" Ross tried to explain "I didn't have a choice. I was in a bad situation"

"A bad situation?" Dillan mimicked his voice breaking as teenagers usually do "so you would have abandoned me too if you were in a bad situation" he said feeling betrayed by his father "I thought getting raped was the worst thing that was going to happen this week... but this... I..." he doesn't even finish as he turns around and stormed back into the interview room he was in only a few minutes before.

"Raped?" Ross choked out "my son was... raped!"

* * *

Olivia ushered Amanda into her office. They could both hear the commotion that was beginning to form outside, but Olivia trusted the boys to handle things and she focused her undivided attention on the emotional blonde before her.

"Amanda?" Olivia questioned as the young detective began to pace the room because it was the only way she could try and get a hold of her emotions and focus her thoughts. "Rollins!" she said a little more forcefully to gain the other woman's attention.

Amanda finally looked at Olivia and stopped pacing. She took a deep breath as she ran her fingers through her hair "I'm sorry" she let out in a shaky voice

"No, you're perfectly fine... considering the situation," Olivia said with a shrug. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No..." she instantly responded but couldn't stop the words pouring from her mouth "I... that man has been out of my life for 26 years. I thought he was dead" she said as she leaned against the two-way mirror on the wall "turns out he just changed his name and started a new family. I guess we weren't good enough for him"

Olivia listened patiently knowing that nothing could really be said to make this situation seem better.

"What would you do?" Amanda asked Olivia out of the blue

"Huh?" was her not so elegant response

"What would you do if your father, whom you haven't seen for more than two decades, suddenly appears in front of you?" Amanda clarified

"I would probably shoot him," Olivia said honestly. At the confused look Amanda gave her, she quickly added "long story for another time"

"I don't want to see him, Liv" she admitted with a sigh

"You don't have to" Olivia offered "I can have Fin and Carisi hold him in an interrogation room while you leave. You don't have to face him"

"Thanks, but it's not that simple... because I also want to know why. Why did he leave me?" she said with a bitter chuckle at the confliction between her two desires. She turned slightly so Benson couldn't see her tears, but it was to no avail.

"No one is saying that this isn't complicated Amanda," Olivia said with a sympathetic and understanding voice "I know this must be extremely difficult. Just know, that whatever you decide to do you will have our undivided support..."

Olivia's words were interrupted by Dillan storming into the interview room "I can't believe him" he huffed as he kicked the chair "he lied to me my whole life" he growled, but then his faced crumbled as tears started pouring down his face. "He always said it was just the two of us. Why did he have to lie? I would have been okay with knowing I had a sister. I would have been happy with that" he said aloud in an unsteady voice as he continued to vent his emotions in what he thought was a private space.

"You know this isn't just between you and your father anymore," Olivia said as she came to stand next to Amanda by the two-way-mirror "he's in the middle of this as well. Like it or not, you have a little half-brother"

Before Amanda could respond to Olivia Dillan began to speak again. "God, this is the worst week of my life. If only I never went to that party those girls wouldn't have raped me... I would have never come here and I would still be in my happy ignorant world". Dillan tried to wipe the tears from his eyes and regain control of his breathing "if I can't trust my own father, who can I trust in this world"

"You're right" Amanda agreed with Olivia as she watched the boy from within the elder woman's office "he doesn't deserve this, just like I didn't deserve it when I was a kid. I can't even imagine the emotional state he's in. This information is hard enough as it is, but to add the fact that he was just raped..."

"You know you have to recuse yourself from the case" Olivia pointed out the hard truth of their job "if the defense finds out..."

"I know" Amanda agreed "even if I never met him before, I don't want to risk destroying his only chance at justice," she said as she continued to look at her new found little brother. "Can I talk to him?" she asked suddenly, not really knowing where the question came from.

Olivia gently nodded her head "yeah, just not about the case" she explained

Amanda steeled herself before she entered the room. She didn't know how Dillan would react to her. He could be interested in talking to her or he could flat out hate her for ruining the little fantasy he lived in with his father.

She knocked at the door "Dillan?" she asked as she entered "do you mind if I come in?"

When Amanda stepped into the small room the young blonde boy instantly turned around and rubbed his face vigorously. He didn't want the evidence that he had been crying to show. "Yeah... come in. I don't care" he tried to sound impartial.

Without a word Amanda sat in the seat she had occupied less than an hour before, when things were difficult but not as complicated. "I guess you heard" she began not really knowing how to start this conversation.

"That I have a sister..." Dillan looked back up at her, his eyes still glistening "that it's you"

"Yeah" she responded with an awkward smile as she tilted her head to the side with a soft shrug. "I didn't expect this to happen" she admitted

"Neither did I" he agreed "it's just been me and my dad for so long... after my mom died a few years ago"

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be, it was unavoidable. She had breast cancer and we just never caught it in time" he said as he shyly began to trace invisible patterns on the table in front of him. "I was always jealous of people with siblings" he chuckled to himself "I used to wish for one every birthday. I wanted a little brother" he looked at her again "are you an only child... I mean. Did my... our dad have more than just us?"

"No, you have another sister, Kim" she explained "but... uh. She's had her problems. She's serving a jail sentence right now and I don't think we should talk about that at the moment"

He nodded slowly at her words. This whole day had been a shock that he didn't even think it was strange that he had a sister in jail for some undisclosed reason. "So are you the oldest? How old are you?" he asked out of curiosity. He was trying to put together a timeline of how long his father had been living a lie.

Amanda chuckled as she pulled her hair back behind her ear "you know you're not supposed to ask a lady that" he smiled and looked embarrassed "but I'm 36 if you really wanted to know"

"Wait, so you're 20 years older than me?" he said surprised "Dad must have been young when he had you"

"Yeah, he was 20 actually"

"So then, you're old enough to be my mother," he said with a small laugh

"Technically yes, but I didn't have any kids that young, I wasn't ready" Amanda laughed back. The mood was still a bit awkward but she found it easier to talk to him than she thought it would be.

"So do you have any kids then?" Dillan asked

"I do" she nodded "I have a little girl, she's a little more than a year old" she admitted to him as she took out her phone and showed him a picture of Jesse.

"Wow, we all really look alike," he said as he observed the picture "blonde hair, blue eyes. I thought these were recessive traits". He gave Amanda back her phone and began to ask her a question "so um, detective Rollins..."

"You can call me Amanda" she interrupted. She didn't want the formality in this situation.

"...Amanda, did you change your name after dad left or was it because you got married..." he trailed off over the many more possible reasons

"Uh... I'm not married. Actually, I'm a single mom, and no... this is the name I was born with" She told him the truth "your dad changed his name. His real name isn't Todd Ross. It was Robert Rollins"

"He... he changed his name?" Dillan said confused "he didn't want to be found that bad that he changed who he was" he looked at his fist and tightened it "then I shouldn't even be Dillan Ross, I should be Dillan Rollins or something. My whole identity is a lie"

"No, honey," Amanda said as she gently grabbed his tightened hand causing him to relax it "I don't mean to come off as a cheesy Disney quote or something, but you are who you are. Whether that's Dillan Ross or Joe Smo, that's for you to decide"

"Thanks," Dillan said with a slight blush. He once again wiped at his eyes "um... but, now where do we go from here?"

Amanda thought for a second before she answered "well that depends on what you're asking about? Your case or..." she waved a hand between them

"Both really" he responded quickly

"I can no longer be on your case because of our new found... relationship" she explained "but my team will do all they can to see that justice is done. Like I said earlier you'll go to the hospital to collect evidence. They're going to get the girls' side of the story and reconstruct the timeline of all that occurred that night. I know that this all sounds scary but you'll get through this" she smiled softly at him "and as for, well... us. I don't know" she stated honestly. "I think you're a good kid, but we've lived our entire lives without knowing each other. You can't just flip a switch and become a family... if that's what you're thinking about"

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to come off as..." he was interrupted by Amanda

"Don't be sorry" she said in haste not wanting to make the boy feel guilty for wanting to know the secrets his father had hidden from him "I mean I'm not against getting to know you, and, if you want, I'll stay by you every step of the way during this case. After, well... why don't we wait to see how things go from there"

"Really?" he smiled back "can I meet your daughter too?"

Amanda thought about this for a second. She didn't have any other family to speak of at the moment with her mom all but disowning her and her sister still in jail. She wasn't against the idea of Jesse having a slightly bigger network of support than what she grew up with, it was just that her family had let her down so many times in the past she didn't want to risk putting Jesse through the same thing.

Amanda could see the anxiety on Dillan's face when she didn't answer instantly and she felt bad, but she had to put Jesse's safety above all a small sigh, she answered him "Um... yeah you can". In the end, Amanda decided to give him a chance, but that didn't mean she would completely trust him with her daughter until she truly got to know him better.

Before Dillan could express his joy over Amanda's decision Todd Ross entered the room. "Dillan, I just want to talk to you for a sec..." he trailed off when he noticed Amanda in the room as well. "Mandy," he said in surprise. Amanda didn't move "Mandy please..." he tried again but was cut off by the blonde woman

"I already told you not to call me that," she said with anger in her voice

"Amanda" Ross corrected himself "please I'm sorry, let me explain"

"I don't want to hear it right now" she said as she could feel the stubbornness and resentment growing inside her "...and besides you should be taking care of your son at the moment. He's the one you need to beg forgiveness from right now" she looked at Dillan "you have my card right?" the boy nodded in confirmation "good, call me if you need anything". She turned to her father "and as far as I'm concerned, the only business we have together is his case. After that, I don't what or need anything from you"

 **A/N: So here goes the second chapter :) sorry if it became too fluffy there with Amanda and Dillan. I know many people don't like OCs, but I felt like they really needed to talk it out. I know that Amanda seems to be flip-flopping in her desire to walk out on her father or get an explanation, but this whole situation is sending her for an emotional loop and she can't really be expected to keep her emotions straight, or at least that's how I see it lol. The next chapter will be the last, and it will include a conversation between Amanda and her father. His explanation and her response. Thanks for reading, and I promise I'll get back to my other story soon :)**


	3. Chapter 3

Several days had passed since the revelation with Amanda and her estranged father and half-brother she never knew about. Amanda had time off to be with Jesse, but mostly because she couldn't be at the station while her team was working on Dillan's case. New Years had come and gone quietly with Amanda keeping her promise to Carisi's mom to go to their party. She would be lying if she said her New Year's wish didn't include the hope that everything would turn out alright for Dillan.

Dillan had come to visit her three times since their initial meeting and Jesse took to him instantly. She had to admit to herself that she missed having the chance to act like a big sister.

Amanda realized that his scholarship to Cheseray Academy wasn't just by luck. He had a real talent for math and science. In fact, he was also talented with his hands and was able to stop the leak coming from her shower head she had been meaning to get fixed for ages.

Unfortunately for the boy, his case had hit some speed bumps. The girls admitted that they slept with him, but they denied knowing his age or that he had refused to have sex with them. In their statements, it was all consensual. Dillan was also receiving no support from his buddies from school. According to them, he was aggressive with the girls and led them to the room himself, they called Dillan lucky to have scored with two 'smokin hot' college girls.

Amanda was at her apartment and had just put Jesse down for a nap when her phone rang "Amanda?" Dillan's voice responded from the other line.

"Hey, Dillan" she answered "is everything okay?" she asked noticing the hesitation in his voice.

"Um... yeah. I don't have to testify after all. My Dad said he wouldn't let me and so Mr. Barba gave Jessica and Shara a deal" he explained

"A deal?" she questioned, "What kind?"

"I'm not really sure. We're at the station right now. I was wondering if you could... come down here and..." he didn't finish. He didn't even know what he wanted her there for exactly, but he didn't want her out of the loop on his case.

"I'll be right there, just let me call Jesse's sitter"

* * *

"Why wasn't I told a deal was being made," Amanda said with annoyance as she entered the squad room and saw her team and Barba standing by the conference table.

"Rollins," Olivia said as she stepped forward "we're sorry things have been hectic here, and with you off... we just finalized the deal and Barba was just about to offer it to the defense They'll most likely take it" she explained

"What's the deal?" she asked hoping at least they had done right by Dillan

"Sexual abuse in the third degree, with six months probation" Barba stated in his usual authoritative voice but added a sympathetic smile because he knew Amanda would not like the deal.

"A class B misdemeanor?" Amanda responded outraged "they rape him and all they're going to get is a slap on the wrist"

"It's all I could do, Amanda" Barba explained not allowing her anger to be directed at him "his father won't let him testify, and without that he doesn't have a case"

"His father" she nearly growled "hasn't that bastard ruined enough of his life"

"Manda, I'm not one who would ever side with that man, especially after everything he put you through" Fin began. He was still truly angry at Ross for hurting his partner, Fin was anything if not loyal, but at the same time, he knew his job. "Have you maybe considered that he's just trying to do what he thinks is best for his son" he tried to rationalize the other man's reasons to her. Unlike Amanda, he didn't have an emotional stake in this case and he could see things clearly from both point of views.

"No, he's probably trying to take the easy way out like he has always done," she said as she looked around the room searching for the man that was her father, and her half-brother. She saw them sitting in the interview room "you know what, there's no use speculating, I'm going to ask him myself"

"Amanda," Carisi said as he tried to stop her "are you sure that's a wise idea?"

"Don't worry, I'll conduct myself professionally," She said not even looking back to see the doubtful expressions on her team's faces.

Amanda didn't even knock before she entered the room. Dillan instantly sprang to his feet as he saw her "Amanda, did they tell you?" he asked

"Yeah, Dillan, they did but right now I just need to talk to your Dad for a moment. Do you think you can grab something from the vending machine and eat it in the break room, or ask Carisi for some of that candy he keeps in his desk" she asked him, and with only a slight nod the young boy did as he was bidden.

The two remaining adults stood in silence for only a second before they both spoke at the same time.

"Amanda"

"Are you an idiot?"

"Excuse me?" Ross asked when he heard Amanda's words "why would you even ask that?"

"Oh, I don't know. How about because you are willing to let your son's rapists walk free just because it's the easier route" Amanda said with disdain and sarcasm.

"I'm only doing what's best for him. Have you even thought how this trial would affect his life?" Ross said pushing back, he may have felt guilty for abandoning Amanda but he wasn't going to let her put him down when he really was trying to do right by Dillan. "Everyone would know what happened to him, he could lose his scholarship. His future! All for what? Something that happened at a party, one in which he had no right to be at in the first place" he yelled in frustration

"Have you thought about him having to live with the fact that his rapists are basically going to walk. That's like telling him what happened didn't matter. That he's not worth the effort" she retorted not backing down at her father's words "He needs to be able to tell his story, to be heard"

"Really? Like you would know" Ross said with a condescending voice

"Of course I would know, this is my job!" she yelled back in disbelief at his words

"Oh come on! You're just one and done in these situations. After the case, these people mean nothing to you. You're not there for them to put back the pieces. His life will be ruined if he testifies, but I don't expect you to understand. You've never been raped, you only see it through the cold eyes of this flawed justice system" he said as he slammed his fist on the table as he accused her of not understanding. His anger at his son's own assault pouring through.

Amanda was stunned into silence for a moment. She didn't expect him to say that she couldn't understand Dillan's needs because she was never raped. The fact was she did understand. She knew the pain of living with the secret and never getting the justice she deserved. The way the wound can fester the more you try to push it down.

Ross peeled his eyes from the table when he heard no retort from his daughter.

"I do understand," Amanda said without thinking, her eyes looking at the table where his hand had slammed down onto it.

The change in his daughter's demeanor shocked him, it wasn't how he thought she would react. "What?" he asked her

Taking a deep breath she repeated herself "I do understand. I know exactly how he feels"

"Are you telling me you were... raped too?" he asked in disbelief as he began to process her words. The realization that more than just one of his children were subjected to such a horrific assault was like a knife to the heart "who... when?" he asked still hoping he was wrong

Her father's questioned seemed to dispel the somber mood that had overcome her and reignited her anger "Oh no, don't you even, for a second, pretend that you care about what happened to me" she accused as she pointed an indignant finger at him "you proved otherwise 26 years ago when you left and changed your name so we could never find you"

"I didn't do that so you could never find me... I did it to protect you" he offered quickly as a stray tear fell from his eye "my debt... it got out of hand. They were coming after me, and I ran so they wouldn't hurt you guys" he tried to explain "the last thing I wanted to do was leave, and as the years ran by and I thought it might be safe again to reach out... I didn't know how"

"You tried to protect us" Amanda repeated as she bit her lip and placed her hands on her hip in anger. She took a deep breath and tilted her head back to control herself "Daddy, you think for a moment that just because you left your bookies wouldn't come after us?" she said with a deep outrage at her father's false sense of righteousness.

Ross was thrown off by his daughter's words, not even noticing that for the first time in 26 years she called him daddy, without it being caused by shock.

"They came and they went" Amanda continued not waiting for her father to respond "they demanded the money, but there was no way we had it so Mama had to open her legs so they wouldn't open our skulls"

"I didn't think..." Ross stammered

"No, you didn't think because all you're capable of doing is looking after yourself" Amanda pushed back "just like you are right now"

"No!" he yelled with tears freely pouring from his eyes "I'm sorry Amanda. I can never express how truly sorry I am for all the pain I caused you and Kim and your mom. I'm sorry for not being there to protect you from the world, from whoever raped you" he cried out as he choked on the last two words.

"I would do anything to make it up to you, but right now I promise I only have Dillan's best interest at heart. He's my world, Amanda. After I lost everything, he is the only thing I've been living for. I got sober for him, I quit gambling for him. So believe me when I say this deal is what's best"

"And you believe this because?" Amanda stated back in an almost broken voice, her own tears starting to form. She had waited so many years for an explanation as to why he left them. Wanting an apology, now that she had them, it only caused her more pain.

"Because your friends said so" he responded as he pointed out the door, "they said they didn't have a strong case, and if this went to trial they could walk scot-free. The last thing I want is for Dillan to feel like no one believed him, to have to tell his story only to be told he's wrong"

Amanda felt all the rage that had been building inside of her since she heard about the deal slip away. She had been so focused on her father, that she never even considered the facts of the case. If this had been any other victim she would agree with the deal. In fact, she would have never even questioned its validity. "I'm... I'm sorry" she finally said in a quiet voice "I shouldn't have rushed to judgment like that"

"No, it's not your fault," Ross said in return "I haven't given you much reason to think otherwise" Amanda couldn't help herself from nodding her head in agreement "and I knew that you only had Dillan's best interest at heart, just like me"

"I was thinking about Dillan, but I was also blinded by my anger at you" she admitted without shame

"That's reasonable," Ross said without judgment "so what do we do now?"

"With the case? It's closed, we move on and make sure that Dillan get's the proper help he needs so he can thrive again" Amanda responded quickly

"Not the case, with... us," he asked tentatively

"Us?" Amanda repeated and raised her eyebrows "there is no us, there's Dillan and me, but no us" she said firmly

"I get that your hurt at what I did, and I don't expect you to forgive me so easily but... can we at least... I don't know, talk?" Ross tried. He knew Amanda was stubborn, but he hoped she would be willing to let him still see her.

"We are talking" Amanda answered shortly. She wasn't going to go easy on him.

"You know what I mean, Amanda," he said with a sad sigh. His eyes pleaded her to understand "I just want a chance..."

"And you think you deserve one" she cut him off "after all these years... you expect me to just say 'oh well, my dad's back. All's right in the world again'" she stated bitterly

"Please for Dillan... and Jesse," he said his granddaughter's name in hesitation fearing he would set Amanda off. She only gave him a hard and unhappy look "Dillan has told me so much about her. He even showed me a picture. Please, Amanda, let me meet her"

"So you can abandon her too" Amanda fired off quickly "I'm glad you changed with Dillan, but you have yet to prove to me that I can trust you"

"Is it possible to be forgiven?" he asked with the look of heartbreak on his face "if not now... in the future?"

"I can't believe you would even ask me that," Amanda said with a shake of her head "after everything... I honestly can't give you and answer right now because it would certainly be no" Ross's head fell at this "but time... a **lot** of time and hard work on your part, maybe" she couldn't deny the fact that she wished she could know him again, but she lived in reality and wouldn't be able to trust him for years.

"I'll take that," Ross said instantly, a smile forming on his lips "all I need is a little hope and I can persevere"

"But that doesn't mean you'll get to see Jesse anytime soon" Amanda added sternly "I need to make sure that you're going to stick around before I even think about introducing you. My daughter comes first, always"

Ross was disappointed at her words but understood her reasoning "you're a good mother, Amanda" he said as he took a step closer "can I just ask one thing... can I hug my baby girl again. Just one more time and I'll never ask again" he pleaded with tears falling from his eyes again and held out his arms to allow her the decision

Amanda sniffled and blinked hard to hold back her own tears. Even after everything he had done to her, she couldn't deny that she was always daddy's little girl. Jut this once Amanda would let her hope win, to pretend to be that little girl again before she returned to the harsh reality of life she lived in. Amanda nodded her head and slowly walked into his embrace.

 **A/N: Sorry if any of you thought there was too much crying in this chapter, but this was a very emotional time for both of them. At the beginning of this story, I had planned for Amanda to never forgive him, because of all the pain she must have had to endure, but in the end, Amanda had been given so many second chances that I think she wouldn't be able not to give her father one. That's not to say that she instantly forgave him or has forgotten the last 26 years, just that the door is open to change :) I hope you guys liked this little tale. Thanks for taking the time to read it :)**


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